People Anya Never Shocked
by youn2731
Summary: Short drabbles of Anya in multiple crossings.
1. Chapter 1

**BtVS/SG-1**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. If I did, I would be rich.**

**This is a response to Jinxy's Challenge #3338 at Twisting the Hellmouth**

Anya stood on the platform, looking at the long line in front of her. She was waiting for her turn to go through the gate. One by one, she watched the line move slowly, quickly growing bored. She turned to the guy next to her and started talking to him.

"These people are nothing compared to when I was a vengeance demon. All they do is try to take over the world and pose as gods. They have no imagination in their destruction. For 1200 years, I granted wishes to scorned women. The destruction that I caused was famous in some parts, and I didn't even need to try to take over the world. Let me tell you, there are some pretty vicious women who should never be betrayed. There was this one time when I granted a wish to a woman whose husband cheated on her with her cousin. She wished that he would be miserable for eternity so I turned him into some sort of grotesque beast and sent him to a hell dimension where humans were slaves for demons and repeatedly tortured, never dying. Talk about being miserable." Anya had a small smile on her face as she remembered her past work with a hint of pride. It really was ingenious.

"Uh huh." The wide-eyed man said with both apprehension and fear. He tried to shrink away from her. She kind of creeped him out by the pleasure in her voice when she talked about destruction to mankind. Was she really human?

"Oh! And there was this other time when I--" Anya began.

"Oh for crying out loud! Anya, just shut up and walk through the damn gate!" Anya turned around to see a very annoyed Colonel Jack O'Neill (that's two L's) looking at her.

**Please review and let me know what you think.**


	2. Chapter 2

**BtVS/HP**

"So basically, you're telling us that some crazy wizard is planning on taking over the wizarding world, and eventually the rest of the world, killing non-magicky humans in the process? And you want our help because none of your attempts to stop him have worked so far?" Buffy asked the wizards in front of her. They all nodded.

"What's so scary about him? He sounds like the average bad guy. He only uses his magic to torture people, and he needs a wand to channel his magic. Just take away his wand and problem solved." Anya stated. "Xander, take me home. I want my orgasms now." Several jaws dropped at her bluntness.

"Ahn!" Xander yelled. "Remember how we talked about oversharing?" Anya nodded.

"Well, this is one of those times." Xander said exasperated.

"What? I didn't even tell them about the time I wore a dominatrix outfit, chained you up, and began to whi--oommph" Anya tried to say, but Xander covered her mouth. His face was bright red. He looked to the people before him, several eyebrows were raised.

"Heh. Wow, look at the time." Xander looked at the nonexistent watch on his wrist. "We need to be going now." Xander quickly ushered his girlfriend out of the room. Everyone sat quiet for a moment until one bearded wizard with moon-shaped spectacles and twinkling eyes broke the silence. He reached into his robes and offered something to Willow, whose face had a slight blush.

"Lemon drop?"

**Like it? Please review.**


	3. Chapter 3

**BtVS/Highlander**

Anyanka stood proudly looking at the massive destruction she had just caused. It was quite impressive. The entire town was in ruins and ash. What was left of buildings were piles of useless wood and bricks. Fires that had started from the explosions threatened to overrun the town. Some people had desperately tried to put them out, but it was a lost cause. Some of the more unsavory additions to the town took advantage of the situation and began to take whatever they could find on the streets. Others went around causing riots. Most of the people were running around like chickens without their heads. Any attempts at salvaging the place were being made in vain. To think, this had all happened because some woman had a bad day that started from finding out her husband was a lying rat to losing her job because she wouldn't sleep with her slimy boss. In the end, the woman wished that the whole town would just go to hell.

"So what do you think? Very nice, yes?" Anyanka waved her hands at the mess. She looked at the man next to her.

Methos looked around at the destruction with a bored look on his face. Sure, many might think that this was a little impressive, but he wasn't most. Hardly anything fazed him anymore. He had seen worse in his stint as Death. Hell, he'd done much worse. And that was some thousand years ago.

"Ah... I kind of thought it would be bigger."


	4. Chapter 4

**BtVS/Golden Girls**

Anya sat in at a bar in Miami, drinking her sorrows away. Xander had recently called off their wedding, devastating her. She had decided to go away for a while and had ended up in Florida.

"What happened to me? I used to be one of the best damn vengeance demons. I excelled at my job. Dammit, I was proud of my work! Then everything went downhill. Because of one stupid wish that backfired, I got turned back into a human. Then I fell in love with a mortal man, and expected to have regular orgasms for the rest of my human life. Until our mess of a wedding day happened! He called off our wedding. Said that he didn't want us to end up like his parents, with him hating me. It turns out that someone I had struck vengeance on in my past wanted revenge. He showed Xander a fake glimpse of the future and how our life together would turn out. Even though Xander found out that it was fake, the damage was already done. The doubt was there and he called off our wedding. You want to know the irony of the whole situation?" Anya asked the bartender, who had a very awkward look on his face.

"Uh what's that?" He was just doing his job, and yea, there was always the occasional weird customer that talked to him with their life story, but this blonde really took the cake. Vengeance demons? Regular orgasms? Was she for real? Never in his mind, would he have even conceived that they would belong in the same conversation. Ever.

"He was the reason that led to me becoming human again. He had cheated on his girlfriend at the time with his best friend. The girlfriend found out and broke up with him. Then she made a wish and I granted it. Later, she realized that she was wrong and tried to change everything back. It eventually led to my necklace that held my powers being broken, thus me becoming human again. I should have known then that he was a bastard." Anya ranted bitterly.

"You think you've got problems? Try being in a body like this and needing to use a walker wherever you go, needing to use glasses and hearing aids, having to get assistance whenever you have to use the bathroom because of arthritis, and needing to wear adult diapers at night, sometimes waking up in your own mess. Oh, and the sex isn't what it used to be either. Those are real problems, missy." Anya looked at the little old lady staring back at her.

"Who are you?" Anya asked.

"Sophia Petrillo." The lady answered.

"I'm Anya. Did all of that really happen to you?" Anya wondered. She cringed inwardly at the thought of no more orgasms. She would rather die.

Sophia gave her a sly smile and answered, "No, but you looked like you needed some cheering up."

**Please review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**BtVS/House**

Dr. Gregory House had a smile on his face. He had finally managed to sneak away from doing his clinic hours even though he was under the watchful eye of Dr. Cuddy. His favorite show was about to start and he had found an empty exam room with his name on it. He slipped inside and turned on the television. _General Hospital_ appeared on the screen and House felt a bit of nostalgia running through him. Just as he was about to get comfortable, he heard a commotion from outside of the room. He opened the door and looked outside to see a blonde woman making a lot of noise.

"I have to pay for WHAT?!" Anya yelled at the doctor. "Do you know how much MONEY that COSTS?!"

"But Miss, without the surgery, your fiancé may never be able to get full function in his leg again." The doctor protested.

"That's not the point! Xander's not going to die without it, is he? More importantly, he will still be able to give me orgasms even without the surgery, right?" Anya asked anxiously.

"Well...I-I-I... um...uh..." The flustered doctor stuttered out. The doctor looked around for support, but all of the bystanders seemed to look away at the same time.

"Oh for Christ sakes! What the hell is your problem?" Anya turned to see an irritated scruffy-looking guy with a cane standing halfway outside of an exam room.

"Excuse me?" Anya asked, somewhat affronted at this stranger's rudeness. Kind of ironic considering it was Anya.

"Just pay for the surgery, you silly twit! It'll be a win-win situation. You get your orgasms, Xander gets to walk without a bum leg, the doctor doesn't have to answer your ridiculous questions, and I get to watch my show in peace!" House ranted at her before he slammed the door shut.

**Please review and let me know if you liked it.**


	6. Chapter 6

**BtVS/Borat**

Anya watched as a tall man with dark, curly hair and a bushy mustache walk into her store and ask people questions with a cameraman in tow. It was as if everyone was offended by his questions, many walking away from him as he spoke. Several women had already slapped his face. Anya wondered what was so bad about him, except for the fact that he wasn't buying anything so far and he was chasing her customers away. He seemed like he was genuinely curious about the people. Xander had always explained to her about being nice to others because it was a human trait to be polite in public. Anya decided that she was going to do the polite thing and see if she could help the man out. She walked up to him and his cameraman.

"Hello." Anya greeted. "I'm Anya. This is my store. Do you need any help?"

"Hello. My name is Borat. I come from the glorious nation of Kazakstan. I make documentary of American culture." The man introduced himself.

"May I ask you questions?" He asked politely.

"Sure. What do you need to know?" Anya asked.

"You are very nice. I like you. Do you like me?" Borat wondered.

"Well, you seem nice enough, but I don't really know you." Anya stated honestly. What a strange, but polite man. Why did everyone run away from him?

"You are beautiful woman." Borat told her.

"Thank you!" Anya really liked this man. He was good for her ego.

"I like sex. Do you like sex?" Borat asked curiously.

Anya's eyes lit up at the question. Finally, someone else who liked to talk about sex openly! "Yes! Next to money, orgasms are one of my favorite things."

"Really? Sexy time is one of my favorites also. Would you like to have sexy time with me?" Borat questioned. He motioned his cameraman to come closer.

"I'm sorry. I already have a boyfriend." Anya said apologetically.

"Your boyfriend, he is a stallion? Very good at sex, yes?" Borat asked. Anya looked directly into the camera and grinned.

"Oh yes. I love my daily orgasms." She answered enthusiastically.

"You make with the sexy time everyday?" Borat inquired anxiously. No one liked to answer his questions.

"Of course. My boyfriend, Xander, gives me great orgasms." Anya gushed.

Borat smiled widely and raised his hand. "High five!"


	7. Chapter 7

**BtVS/Supernatural**

Dean and Sam entered the Bronze looking to let off some steam. They had a lead on the demon that killed their mom and Jess, and it led them straight to Sunnydale. Dean looked around for a bit before he spied his target. He smiled and turned to Sam.

"I'll be right back, Sammy. I gotta take care of something first." Dean began to walk away. Sam just looked in the direction that Dean was walking and shook his head.

Anya stood in front of the restrooms of the Bronze. Xander had just gone into the men's bathroom and Anya had decided to wait outside of the door for him, instead of finding a table to sit down. As Anya waited, she noticed a nicely built man with short, spiky hair and green eyes heading directly for her. He had a cockiness to him that Anya found attractive. If only Xander could pull off that sort of self-confidence. He stopped right in front of her and gave her a sexy smile.

"Excuse me, would you--" He began to ask, but was cut off by Anya. She knew he was going to ask her to dance and decided to let him know she was taken. It was sort of a shame that Xander would rather be in a hell dimension than have another guy join them in bed. She knew he had no objections to another woman, but a guy was out of the question. What ever happened to equal opportunities? Anya sighed at the imaginary loss before preparing to let the guy down.

"Sorry, but I already have a boyfriend. His name is Xander and he gives me great orgasms, but I'm sure that you give great orgasms too. It's just that I love my Xander." Anya gave him an apologetic smile. The man raised an eyebrow at her and smirked.

"Look lady, that's great. I'm happy for you...really...but could you move?" Anya frowned. That wasn't quite the reaction she was expecting.

"Huh?" Dean gave Anya a pointed glance over her shoulder. Anya didn't get it. "What?"

"I gotta take a leak. You're kinda in the way."

"Oh."

**Please review.**


End file.
